On kindness, friendship & morals

We don’t always remember how friendships start. This one was as special as they can get.

While I was recovering from a reprimand from my 4th class Moral Science teacher for not having the textbook, a kind voice approached me - “I have an extra one at home. You can borrow from me if that’s ok with you”. I muttered a “ok” reluctantly while wondering how some people have 2 copies while I could not afford to have 1. And that’s how it all started, with a simple act of kindness. The friendship grew stronger over the years, through school, college and beyond.

I think about him quite a bit - sometimes with a smile, other times with moist eyes. Small, small things - the bowling run up while playing cricket, the steel bracelet in his hands, the “white scooty” commutes all around town, the Salman Khan poster on his room door, the dosas his mom would feed us with love every single time, his dad was the coolest one I knew, his shouts of “Rohnya Rohnya” while calling for playtime, discussions on relationships and pretty much everything there was to talk about.

We went our separate paths in pursuit of career and I did meet him later in life when I was going through some interesting tough times. He very calmly told me - “I know you from a very long time now and I trust you with your instincts and decisions”. It was reassuring coming from a longtime friend. As it turned out that was our last meeting and those were his last words to me.

While I sometimes wonder about what could have been, I will always cherish it for what it was and what it is.

Going back to how friendships start - they start with kindness and they are sustained by providing each other moral support in the hardest of times. Islands of support through this ocean called life. Everything else just withers away. What is left is precious. In hindsight not having that textbook was one of the best things that happened to me. Sometimes all you need is to not have something.

Now every time my kids ask me - “Who is your best friend?”, I close my eyes and live through these moments all over again.

It took me a few years to eventually pen this. Dedicated to a very special friend who left too soon.

 

 The pain of making tea

Letting go of privilege is as hard or may be harder than fighting against it.

The ones with privilege are the ones that need to take up more pain than they are used to. We should expect resistance to take up any new pain/suffering/hardship however small it is.

This is an insight to understand why the world changes so slowly.

Change is possible only when there is awareness that someone else is taking your share of the pain. When we are conscious about this, we end up doing right most of the time.

As a simple example - if someone makes tea for you and you want to know the pain of making tea - try making it a few times :)

The Other Side

After gulping down a heavy lunch of fresh fish and squid, I swam in the violent waters of the Pacific near the La Jolla shore. I saw two worlds, each so different than the other. The one which I belonged to and the other which was a mystery to me. The under-water world was all blue and dark with the variety of life adding color to it. And then there was the world on the other side – warm and bright.

The furious ocean lashed its giant waves onto the rocks. For some reason it is always angry with the shore – sometimes more, sometimes less. I dragged myself to the enclave created by the sea wall which shielded me from the ocean’s fury. I lay down on the sands to feel the warmth of the sun. The sun teased me playing hide and seek behind the clouds. I wondered how the ocean created a new gray - white painting with every wave. A lone dolphin swam in the ocean raising its fin periodically.

The ocean has been my best friend since my mother left me a long time back. It tried to reach for me with every wave. At times it caressed me and at times it pulled me into its arms and I crawled my way out. Eventually the ocean caught up with me and I had to move to the safety of the high rocks.

The tall palm trees stood like sentinels guarding the shore. I pined for my mother as I gazed at the line where the dark blue ocean met the sky. On the rock I was joined by some of my friends who jostled for space with the seagulls and least terns. Everyone gathered at this time of the day to watch these creatures from the other side. There were talks amongst our folks that these creatures were endangered. They were not seen anywhere along the coast but somehow they flocked to this shore in huge numbers.

They were late today and everyone started shouting –“Why haven’t they come yet?” “We came all the way from Channel Islands to see them.” The sea gulls didn’t seem to care. They were busy scavenging and flirting.

Then I heard them roaring out one by one – each with its distinct colors; all together more shades than I get to see in my world. Some stood on the rocks and looked to the ocean; some came to the sands and lay down. The young ones moved into the water one step at a time.

One of the young ones ran towards me, stopped and stared at me for a while. Then it cried out something like – “ Mommyy is thisaaa biggg fishhh!”

The older one shouted back –“No babyy it’s a seaalll.”

Sunny Side Up

Sue loved eggs in every form possible. She ate the last spoon of scrambled egg from her box and got back to staring at the monitor in the lab. The university tower clock bell rang eleven times. The lab was all hers at this late hour. She had to head home in an hour as the lab closed at midnight. All her friends preferred to work at home. Sue however, liked being alone with only the sound of the ocean waves for company. It helped her to focus on her project.

At 11.45 pm she logged out of her machine, picked her pink bag which her doting mom had sent from India. Every few months a parcel would arrive with tons of clothes in all shades of pink. She was not sure if she liked pink. But hell she cared.

Walking back on the deserted and sparsely lit Centennial Drive at this hour lost in her thoughts had become routine for her. Her thoughts were mostly about the assignment she was to submit the next morning. Her apartment condo located on the end of Centennial Drive had become a summer camp of sorts with most of her friends hanging out there.

“I will restart the simulation from my laptop”, she was thinking as she climbed the stairs to the apartment door. Something flew and hit her specs and her hair received the first dose of protein in a long time. The yellow sticky egg dripped down her cheeks onto her white top. She knew it had begun.

 Most of her friends dreaded the egg beating ceremony. She was not the meek types.

“What the helllll!”, she cried,  wiping her specs with the edge of her top. Putting back her specs, on the other side of the window she saw Preethu smiling sadistically and ready with another egg in his hand.

The door creaked open and two more smiling faces appeared. “How do you like your eggs, Miss Sue?”, Amu asked, followed by a demonic laughter from Rohan.
Usually her response was " Sunny side up". But not today.

Then the eggs poured on Sue like the monsoon or like Ram’s 917 'instant arrows' raining on Raavan. She bowed down and shielded herself with the bag. Before the next round of shots were fired, they all cried in unison –

                                    “Happy Birthday  Sue!”

They were in no mood to subside though. They were just giving back what they had received on their birthday. Her “Stop it guys!” was an invitation for the next salvo.

Sue stepped back and started running to no where. The hounds followed her continuing to target her. Some eggs hit her, some missed and landed on the lawn. Sue picked an unbroken egg, stopped running and turned around. 

“Stop it now or I will hit you”, Sue warned.

“You drop it down now, or this will get worse for”, and before Preetu could complete the sentence Sue shot the egg towards him and started running. “My hairrrrr”, Preetu frowned as he wiped the yolk from his forehead.

Sue ran to the woods located in the back of the apartment. Not seeing any point in following her in the dark the trio decided to stay at the front door.

“She will have to come back here”, they muttered.

While in the woods, Sue noticed that the back door was left open. “How stupid of them”, she thought. She entered the apartment through the back door stealthily and saw Candy immersed in her Mac.

“Candyyy, help me!”

Candy looked up. “Wow! You are almost a French toast. Don’t even look at me. I am out of this”.

Candy was the most non-violent among the house mates. She loved her complexion too much and had opted out of the egg ceremony. She was never the aggressor but sometimes she did become the victim. Seeing the trio rush for her, Sue ran into the bathroom and locked herself.

The hounds moved all ammunition to the bathroom door and waited for Sue to give up.

For 14 minutes it was a stalemate.

Eventually the door opened. The elated feeling of the attackers was doused by a splash of sticky soapy liquid on their faces. They ran to the hall rubbing their eyes. Sue had not given up. She was very innovative – her weapon was - hot water + Dove body wash + Pantene Pro V + Tide + Listerine – everything she could find in the bathroom. Sue quickly grabbed the egg cartons lying on the floor and moved back in.

Relieved that there were no more eggs outside, Sue stepped into the shower.

Without any ammo the hounds had turned into sheep. Amu still had ideas.

“I have to crash into the bathroom while she is taking a bath. That is our only chance of getting at her. You guys get me whatever you can from the refrigerator”.

Very reluctantly Rohan & Preetu agreed.

Amu unlocked the bathroom latch with a hair pin and crashed in. She pushed aside the shower curtain and started pouring orange juice, followed by yoghurt, milk, leftovers….

“Amuuuuu! Amuuuuuu!”, was all Sue could do. Amu picked up the egg cartons and walked out slowly, knowing that the war was over.

Later, Sue stepped out – shiny hair, glowing skin, in her new pink dress. 

In the candle lit hall everyone waited for Sue to cut the cake. Sue blew the candles and cut the dark chocolate cake. The most unmelodious “Happy Birthday” song  followed.

Sue smiled for the camera, looked around and tried to remember whose turn was next.

Wanted - Indian politician

A large secular political party in India is actively looking out for new hires. An eligible candidate should have at least one year experience in the following –

•  Should be able to identify all mistakes of the opposition and condemn them aggressively. 
• Should be able to take responsibility and resign when you get caught committing the same mistakes.
• Should be able to collaborate with the corporate world for mutual benefits.
• Should be able to set up a 3 man joint enquiry committee when no other option works.
•  Should be able to multi-task effectively between attending inauguration ceremonies, award ceremonies, wedding receptions and inspecting flood affected areas from helicopters.
•  Hobbies should include either of – building elephant statues, attending cricket matches, social service or public speaking on democracy and secularism. 
• Any kind of educational or criminal background is a plus.
• Actors, children of freedom fighters/politicians and retired underworld dons will be preferred.

Discrimination will be made only on caste, region, language, sex and bank balance. Otherwise, we are an equal opportunity provider.

The Running Penguin

And she started running towards me the moment she saw me.  Not that she is a good runner or anything like that. Her running is more like a penguin running, just using the lower half of the legs to do all the work. The knees don’t bend and the upper body moves from side to side. 

She does run every time we meet. We may meet after a year, month or a week. Just looking at me stimulates the part of the brain which makes people run. While she runs in her ‘slow motion’, I keep looking at her and I don’t move an inch. This is the same person whom I keep talking to every day and night. Her long hair, her smile, her brown eyes and the dark circles around them which grow and shrink depending on her office work load.

You can be on the phone 24 hours a day, discuss everything you did and didn’t; make every major decision together about whether it’s going to be Taco Bell or Sub way or someplace else for lunch; make weekend plans for each other to make sure both don’t feel lonely and then go on a dinner date with the phone and the earphones.

But there is nothing that will give the same happiness as the physical presence of the person you love. And then even the silent company means everything.

While I am still going through these thoughts, the penguin collides with me and embraces me in a big hug, like I have just returned from a NASA lunar mission, safe and sound. 

And before I say anything, she asks –

“Main moti ho gayi na?”

Clouds and Silver Linings

The closet door opened in the evening and he struggled to open his eyes again. The 6x5 feet closet had been his jail for 2 years now. Solitary confinement was a way of torturing himself for the mistakes he had committed. Abandoned by his people, he had found solace and comfort in the darkness of the closet.

May be, it was an escape from the outside world. He felt he had done something wrong but whenever he ventured out amongst people more guilt was poured into him. He thought of killing himself but it was against his beliefs to run away from problems. But neither did he have any strength left in him to stand up and face the situation he had put himself in and to bear the repercussions of his actions.

Gradually he withered away and settled in his small dark world - day in and day out; where he didn't feel lonely as the place was too small. Time passed by quickly as he couldn't see anything and his mind was numb and blank. He ventured out of his confinement sometimes to eat when hungry.

This cloud was about to meet a silver lining. His good friend came to visit him and there was something she said which turned back the tide of his life.

"It's ok to make mistakes." "You don't have to be liked by all."

These lines wouldn't have meant anything to him in a different time and situation. It takes difficult times to truly understand the meaning of simple words.

After that brick by brick he re-built his life from scratch and he left his little dark world. Of course, the silver lining may meet a cloud again. But now, he does know how to get out of it.