You may still be here tomorrow. But your dreams may not. So hold on to them. Because you have got nothing else
Sunday, January 14, 2024
The pain of making tea
Letting go of privilege is as hard or may be harder than fighting against it. The ones with privilege are the ones that need to take up more pain than they are used to. We should expect resistance to take up any new pain/suffering/hardship however small it is. This is an insight to understand why the world changes so slowly. Change is possible only when there is awareness that someone else is taking your share of the pain. When we are conscious about this, we end up doing right most of the time. As a simple example - if someone makes tea for you and you want to know the pain of making tea - try making it a few times :)
After gulping down a heavy lunch of fresh fish and squid, I swam in the violent waters of the Pacific near the La Jolla shore. I saw two worlds, each so different than the other. The one which I belonged to and the other which was a mystery to me. The under-water world was all blue and dark with the variety of life adding color to it. And then there was the world on the other side – warm and bright.
The furious ocean lashed its giant waves onto the rocks. For some reason it is always angry with the shore – sometimes more, sometimes less. I dragged myself to the enclave created by the sea wall which shielded me from the ocean’s fury. I lay down on the sands to feel the warmth of the sun. The sun teased me playing hide and seek behind the clouds. I wondered how the ocean created a new gray - white painting with every wave. A lone dolphin swam in the ocean raising its fin periodically.
The ocean has been my best friend since my mother left me a long time back. It tried to reach for me with every wave. At times it caressed me and at times it pulled me into its arms and I crawled my way out. Eventually the ocean caught up with me and I had to move to the safety of the high rocks.
The tall palm trees stood like sentinels guarding the shore. I pined for my mother as I gazed at the line where the dark blue ocean met the sky. On the rock I was joined by some of my friends who jostled for space with the seagulls and least terns. Everyone gathered at this time of the day to watch these creatures from the other side. There were talks amongst our folks that these creatures were endangered. They were not seen anywhere along the coast but somehow they flocked to this shore in huge numbers.
They were late today and everyone started shouting –“Why haven’t they come yet?” “We came all the way from Channel Islands to see them.” The sea gulls didn’t seem to care. They were busy scavenging and flirting.
Then I heard them roaring out one by one – each with its distinct colors; all together more shades than I get to see in my world. Some stood on the rocks and looked to the ocean; some came to the sands and lay down. The young ones moved into the water one step at a time.
One of the young ones ran towards me, stopped and stared at me for a while. Then it cried out something like – “ Mommyy is thisaaa biggg fishhh!”
The older one shouted back –“No babyy it’s a seaalll.”
Sue loved eggs in every form possible. She ate the last spoon of scrambled egg from her box and got back to staring at the monitor in the lab. The university tower clock bell rang eleven times. The lab was all hers at this late hour. She had to head home in an hour as the lab closed at midnight. All her friends preferred to work at home. Sue however, liked being alone with only the sound of the ocean waves for company. It helped her to focus on her project.
At 11.45 pm she logged out of her machine, picked her pink bag which her doting mom had sent from India. Every few months a parcel would arrive with tons of clothes in all shades of pink. She was not sure if she liked pink. But hell she cared.
Walking back on the deserted and sparsely lit Centennial Drive at this hour lost in her thoughts had become routine for her. Her thoughts were mostly about the assignment she was to submit the next morning. Her apartment condo located on the end of Centennial Drive had become a summer camp of sorts with most of her friends hanging out there.
“I will restart the simulation from my laptop”, she was thinking as she climbed the stairs to the apartment door. Something flew and hit her specs and her hair received the first dose of protein in a long time. The yellow sticky egg dripped down her cheeks onto her white top. She knew it had begun.
Most of her friends dreaded the egg beating ceremony. She was not the meek types.
“What the helllll!”, she cried, wiping her specs with the edge of her top. Putting back her specs, on the other side of the window she saw Preethu smiling sadistically and ready with another egg in his hand.
The door creaked open and two more smiling faces appeared. “How do you like your eggs, Miss Sue?”, Amu asked, followed by a demonic laughter from Rohan.
Usually her response was " Sunny side up". But not today.
Then the eggs poured on Sue like the monsoon or like Ram’s 917 'instant arrows' raining on Raavan. She bowed down and shielded herself with the bag. Before the next round of shots were fired, they all cried in unison –
“Happy Birthday Sue!”
They were in no mood to subside though. They were just giving back what they had received on their birthday. Her “Stop it guys!” was an invitation for the next salvo.
Sue stepped back and started running to no where. The hounds followed her continuing to target her. Some eggs hit her, some missed and landed on the lawn. Sue picked an unbroken egg, stopped running and turned around.
“Stop it now or I will hit you”, Sue warned.
“You drop it down now, or this will get worse for”, and before Preetu could complete the sentence Sue shot the egg towards him and started running. “My hairrrrr”, Preetu frowned as he wiped the yolk from his forehead.
Sue ran to the woods located in the back of the apartment. Not seeing any point in following her in the dark the trio decided to stay at the front door.
“She will have to come back here”, they muttered.
While in the woods, Sue noticed that the back door was left open. “How stupid of them”, she thought. She entered the apartment through the back door stealthily and saw Candy immersed in her Mac.
“Candyyy, help me!”
Candy looked up. “Wow! You are almost a French toast. Don’t even look at me. I am out of this”.
Candy was the most non-violent among the house mates. She loved her complexion too much and had opted out of the egg ceremony. She was never the aggressor but sometimes she did become the victim. Seeing the trio rush for her, Sue ran into the bathroom and locked herself.
The hounds moved all ammunition to the bathroom door and waited for Sue to give up.
For 14 minutes it was a stalemate.
Eventually the door opened. The elated feeling of the attackers was doused by a splash of sticky soapy liquid on their faces. They ran to the hall rubbing their eyes. Sue had not given up. She was very innovative – her weapon was - hot water + Dove body wash + Pantene Pro V + Tide + Listerine – everything she could find in the bathroom. Sue quickly grabbed the egg cartons lying on the floor and moved back in.
Relieved that there were no more eggs outside, Sue stepped into the shower.
Without any ammo the hounds had turned into sheep. Amu still had ideas.
“I have to crash into the bathroom while she is taking a bath. That is our only chance of getting at her. You guys get me whatever you can from the refrigerator”.
Very reluctantly Rohan & Preetu agreed.
Amu unlocked the bathroom latch with a hair pin and crashed in. She pushed aside the shower curtain and started pouring orange juice, followed by yoghurt, milk, leftovers….
“Amuuuuu! Amuuuuuu!”, was all Sue could do. Amu picked up the egg cartons and walked out slowly, knowing that the war was over.
Later, Sue stepped out – shiny hair, glowing skin, in her new pink dress.
In the candle lit hall everyone waited for Sue to cut the cake. Sue blew the candles and cut the dark chocolate cake. The most unmelodious “Happy Birthday” song followed.
Sue smiled for the camera, looked around and tried to remember whose turn was next.
A large secular political party in India is actively looking out for new hires. An eligible candidate should have at least one year experience in the following –
Should be able to identify all mistakes of the opposition and condemn them aggressively.
Should be able to take responsibility and resign when you get caught committing the same mistakes.
Should be able to collaborate with the corporate world for mutual benefits.
Should be able to set up a 3 man joint enquiry committee when no other option works.
Should be able to multi-task effectively between attending inauguration ceremonies, award ceremonies, wedding receptions and inspecting flood affected areas from helicopters.
Hobbies should include either of – building elephant statues, attending cricket matches, social service or public speaking on democracy and secularism.
Any kind of educational or criminal background is a plus.
Actors, children of freedom fighters/politicians and retired underworld dons will be preferred.
Discrimination will be made only on caste, region, language, sex and bank balance. Otherwise, we are an equal opportunity provider.
And she started running towards me the moment she saw me. Not that she is a good runner or anything like that. Her running is more like a penguin running, just using the lower half of the legs to do all the work. The knees don’t bend and the upper body moves from side to side.
She does run every time we meet. We may meet after a year, month or a week. Just looking at me stimulates the part of the brain which makes people run. While she runs in her ‘slow motion’, I keep looking at her and I don’t move an inch. This is the same person whom I keep talking to every day and night. Her long hair, her smile, her brown eyes and the dark circles around them which grow and shrink depending on her office work load.
You can be on the phone 24 hours a day, discuss everything you did and didn’t; make every major decision together about whether it’s going to be Taco Bell or Sub way or someplace else for lunch; make weekend plans for each other to make sure both don’t feel lonely and then go on a dinner date with the phone and the earphones.
But there is nothing that will give the same happiness as the physical presence of the person you love. And then even the silent company means everything.
While I am still going through these thoughts, the penguin collides with me and embraces me in a big hug, like I have just returned from a NASA lunar mission, safe and sound.
The closet door opened in the evening and he struggled to open his eyes again. The 6x5 feet closet had been his jail for 2 years now. Solitary confinement was a way of torturing himself for the mistakes he had committed. Abandoned by his people, he had found solace and comfort in the darkness of the closet.
May be, it was an escape from the outside world. He felt he had done something wrong but whenever he ventured out amongst people more guilt was poured into him. He thought of killing himself but it was against his beliefs to run away from problems. But neither did he have any strength left in him to stand up and face the situation he had put himself in and to bear the repercussions of his actions.
Gradually he withered away and settled in his small dark world - day in and day out; where he didn't feel lonely as the place was too small. Time passed by quickly as he couldn't see anything and his mind was numb and blank. He ventured out of his confinement sometimes to eat when hungry.
This cloud was about to meet a silver lining. His good friend came to visit him and there was something she said which turned back the tide of his life.
"It's ok to make mistakes." "You don't have to be liked by all."
These lines wouldn't have meant anything to him in a different time and situation. It takes difficult times to truly understand the meaning of simple words.
After that brick by brick he re-built his life from scratch and he left his little dark world. Of course, the silver lining may meet a cloud again. But now, he does know how to get out of it.
“Come on. Let go”, Shubha said as she urged me to join them for the dance. It was 1 am in the Desi Party in Chicago downtown. I can’t dance. I could never relate to the idea of moving your body to the music beats.
It took me exactly 4 tequila shots to join my friends on the dance floor. Martin my teetotaler friend sat in the corner looking at everybody happy that he will not see them in heaven. Initially it was easy –
The kite dance – where you pretend that you are flying a kite looking towards the ceiling,
The snake dance – hold your hands together like a snake hood and go up and down in wayward motions,
The Amitabh dance – walk slowly raising your hands up alternately,
The train dance – form a circle, keep your hands on your neighbors shoulders and keep running till you are tired,
Ball catching and throwing – Imagine a imaginary ball and keep throwing and catching it rapidly.
And then my body had consumed some tequila, my brain had come back to normalcy, I did not find any meaning in doing these exercises anymore. So I joined Martin in the corner and I drank some whisky while Martin kept sipping at his lemonade.
It was just this morning that we had landed at the Chicago airport. The July 4th long weekend we were looking forward to. We were 9 of us. The names will appear in the order of appearance.
Our host Miss Sakshi was a very sweet girl. She left no stone unturned to make us feel at home. She treated us with her amazing cooking skills, which she claimed to have developed on her own. All her recipes have a flavor of the MTR rasam powder. Be it Pav Bhaji, Alu Mutter, or anything else. No doubt that she is the biggest fan of rasam powder. May be MTR made rasam powder just for her.
But I digress.
What I actually wanted to say was that we were treated to a sumptuous feast of Chole Puri, Hakka noodles and tea. And then at quarter past 12 we hit the road. The plan was very simple. Drive north 1 hour to Lake Geneva and jet ski, drive back 2 hours to downtown Chicago to witness the all important July 4th fireworks. And the fireworks might be like any other fireworks we had seen before. But for some reason we were not supposed to miss it.
And what great weather ! Clouds and clouds everywhere. It’s funny how even ‘good weather’ can be a relative term. I just love the rains. I am just so hard-wired to love them. I wished for it to rain any minute.But everyone else in the group of 9 wished otherwise. They had jet ski on their minds.
“The clouds are dense. I wish it rains”, a very excited me said.
“Don’t be a sadist da”, came the pat reply in thick Tamil accent from Rajeshwari.
After a smooth drive of 30 mins which was full of conversations about favourite heroines and movies, the traffic came to full stop. And with that the faces went sad again. My only interest in Lake Geneva was the beautiful water front and the Vanilla softy ice-cream which was sold on the pier. I had to retire from jet-ski prematurely, thanks to my friend who was showing me how to make circles in the water. The jet-ski toppled and we were stranded in the center of the lake for about an hour. Forget the huge fine which the jet-ski company charged for their damages. Now making circles in the water on a jet-ski is a nightmare for me.
After alternating my leg between the accelerator and the brakes for a few hundred times, the traffic began to flow again.
Damn! No signs of rain yet.
Now, Lake Geneva is not just a lake. It is a small town built around the big lake. Seemed like the whole Illinois was there for the weekend.
Now this place looked so pretty. Restaurants and lodges lining the one side of the main road and the blue violent waters of the lake on the other side. Wait a second. Did I say violent? It was unusually windy that day and the high waves looked very dangerous. It took some time to get all 9 people at one spot. And after depositing a layer of vanilla softy ice-cream and the “salty and not so tasty” pretzels we set out to shop for jet-ski rentals.
“We stopped renting for now. The waters are very dangerous now. Go and check ahead.”
The next shop – “Everyone has stopped renting jet-skis for now. We do have a speed boat available though.”
Everyone was understandably dejected. But the most affected seemed Preeti. Her ever smiling face and 32 teeth (this is an assumption) had gone missing now.
I was more than happy to drive back to downtown and have some fun. But Miss Sakshi, our host had not given up. She had other ideas. She made some calls, gave some credit card numbers and then.
“Guys, we are going to Fox Lake! They are open now and I have reserved a few jet-skis for 6 pm.”
An hour at the lake side beach, another layer of BK veggie burger and we were on our way to Fox Lake.
And the first drops hit the windshield.
And I controlled my joy and gave this one liner –
“If you really want it, the whole universe will conspire to help you get it.”
Fox Lake was a smaller and quieter lake. The “Fun Sports” rental company had no problems renting in the rains. Our guys were very excited. They filled out a few forms, became a little poorer and off they went.
I had begun to worry whether we would make it to the downtown in time for fireworks. The fireworks were scheduled for 9 pm and even if we left on time we would just make it.
Jet-skiing was done and we raced towards downtown hoping to make it. But none of us had taken it into consideration that the whole of Chicago would be going to downtown. We reached about a mile from Navy Pier and the traffic just stopped on a bridge. All guys except me started walking towards Navy Pier, the fireworks place. I sat in the car listening to some country music on full volume knowing very well that the traffic jam was not going to end soon.
It was 9pm and I could see the fireworks in the sky from the bridge. I realized that not all things are meant to be perfect and that’s what makes them memorable.
I hoped that the others would have reached in time. But they didn’t.
All sad faces returned to a restaurant for a nice dinner which was followed by the tequila shots and the dance.
In high spirits it took us an hour to find the car in the parking lot. Thank God, he/she sent us Martin. We had no one else to drive.
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